Endless

What do you do when you feel like so many topics and opinions pop up in your head and you feel like you want to write about everything but then you just can't? Because it would take too long and you would end up posting 83824234 blogs. Aghhh!

I wish I could just get paid to write my opinion on random things. Just to blog or write all day. It puts my mind in a state of tranquility.

I use mostly my Tumblr now but sometimes I still just post here. Why? Because sometimes I feel like I'm writing some things that are too personal, even for my friends to see. Like, maybe 2 or 3 would be able to actually UNDERSTAND what the hell I'm feeling. My Tumblr URL is posted on my Facebook and it's impossible to comment there so I'm worried that it's not just my followers who read that stuff. Here, I don't care if strangers read my entries because.. I don't know, it's just that feeling, you know? And if Ann or Silla read this since I know they have blogspots too, I don't really care or mind, hahaha.

You know, sometimes I really enjoy just talking to Silla, or Dalica, or Herman, just because we can have "deeper" conversations. I hate small talk and I suck at it. I don't even bother trying that stuff when I'm with people because I don't enjoy it.

I REALLY want a hang out with Dalika, cause I could really use some mind-stimulation right now. And I like how both of us are kind of on that same "level", like how she doesn't want to feel tied down to a guy or anything. I mean, a lot of times I feel that want/need for having a significant other, to be able to go on dates or whatever, but when I REALLY think about it, I don't want to be so committed to someone. At least, not at this age.

Some people think I'm absolutely crazy when I say I want to save the real dating for like marriage. I can see why, it sounds real old-fashioned and it just sounds plain unrealistic. But me and my brother were talking about how if you date "casually" in high school, it can be kind of stupid because if you're not going to marry them, it means the relationship will HAVE to end eventually, and either one or both individuals in the relationship will end up heartbroken. But zero relationships = zero heartbreak. Yaknowhaddamean?

Haha if friends from school saw that, they'd think I'm insane. Whatever! Makes me different :)

Doesn't matter, I have high standards anyways.

Colorgenics

Name: Michelle Kuo
Date: 8/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 20617453

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You are trying to establish yourself and make an impact despite the fact that everything around you seems to be against you - putting up barriers, but don't be unduly concerned: you have the right ideas and come what may, they will soon be manifested and appreciated.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

In spite of all the opposition, you are insisting that your goals are realistic but circumstances are forcing you to compromise. You are not very happy with this situation but there is little that you can do about it. You have very strict standards which you try to apply to everyone who enters your sphere of influence.

You are experiencing extreme frustration at this point of time, trying to achieve security and peace of mind, but whatever you seem to do doesn't effect the situation. You are worn out and your energy is being seriously depleted. You may be experiencing what is known as 'heartache' - both mentally and physically. You are a listener and you listen and respond to everything that is going on around you. You feel that all that life has to offer should be within your grasp and you would like to participate in every part of it but the situation is such that every door seems to be closed to you. You just can't understand why that is. But it is - and what's more you feel powerless to change it.

Overwork - be it mental stress or physical strain, you are completely worn out and this depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel disappointed with your obvious lack of energy and powerless to do anything about it. You are angry with yourself and this frustration shows. You are contradictory and argumentative and feel helpless to change the situation at this time. Take a break - even if it is only for a few days - allow yourself to breath, to unwind - you'll feel much better for it. Then trust and let go.

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The fact that this is so accurate scares me.

1. I DO feel like everyone/everything is against me. Well, maybe not EVERYONE but like for dance, I know my parents are against it. And sometimes, just through the fact that I'm an introvert, I can see that it can be hard to get along with me and thus for people to support me.

2. I really am trying to "establish" myself. This summer I realized a lot of things about myself that surprised me. And b/c of the fact that I haven't seen a lot of my friends from school this summer, I feel like they won't understand me as well either.

3. Things are getting "on top" of me, I can feel the stress just piling up, waiting. There's that book review I need to get to, and all the summer homework.. Agh, I don't know if I can take it. Luckily I get my few-day-break when I go to Lake Chelan, but that's only if mom doesn't stress me out! I just want three, THREE, freakin' days where she does not piss me off and she doesn't get pissed at me.

4. Haha oh boy, strict standards for everyone who enters my life and may have an influence me. RIGHT ON. Also known as, why I never like a guy enough to want to go out with anyone. I have strict, high standards for everyone that I become SUPER CLOSE friends with. And in my mind I have some people that I want to have some mind-stimulating conversation with.

5. My energy is gone. I don't know if that's because it's 5am and I'm tired, or if just flat-out physically/mentally exhausted. It's like so much thinking goes on in my head that my brain WANTS to stop functioning, it wants to stop overanalyzing everything and just take a break to relax. But I can't help it, I think a lot, then I Tumblr it and clear my head with my outspoken ideas.

6. I'm experiencing extreme frustration.. BECAUSE OF MY MOM. Every single freakin' day I get stressed because of her. And I really can't help it, because it is HER attitude and HER crazy anger problems.

7. "You are contradictory and argumentative and feel helpless to change the situation at this time." NUFF SAID.