Mind Clutter.

I really want to write about the New Year. I want to reminisce on all the fun, depressing, stressful memories that I've lived throughout 2009. It's like I don't even know where to start... I already wrote two very long responses to Jack's questions on Formspring, and it made my brain work pretty hard because I didn't really know how to answer them at first. They really made me think, and I like questions like that. Then I also wrote about an Ignorant Guy who doesn't seem to realize the harm and confusion he's causing by not talking to the girl that loves him and such. I wrote about why I'm glad I have high standards. I wrote about so many topics that have been occupying my mind that I finally found the words for. But it drained my brain of the right words, even though it's still full of ideas. I don't really know what I should be doing now, because I really can't organize all my thoughts about 2009 and all the people this year that I'm so thankful for. They've been such influential parts of my life that so many ideas pop up in my head when I think about it. My brain really can't handle this... It's too much for one night.

In all honesty, I would love to have a guy I could cuddle with.

Nov. 27, 2009.

As much as I front that I don't need a man, I love being independent, etc., I have to admit the idea of having a guy is very appealing. Someone to cuddle with and hug while watching a movie. Someone to send good morning and good night text messages. A guy to say anything to. All of that typical cheesy stuff. But especially the cuddling part, that sounds very nice to me right now haha. Maybe it's just because I'm cold though.

I still have plenty of fun being single though :D

Jordan has really been annoying me as of late.

My brother has really been starting to irritate me. It's weird because I usually consider him supportive of what I do and nice and everything, but lately I feel like he has been such a jerk. He knows I have bad sleeping habits but he shouldn't look down on me for not getting much sleep. And he's becoming just like my mom, ridiculing me for having naps later at night. I know naps at 10 or 11pm aren't ideal but naps are naps, right? If I just want to sleep for only a half hour nap anyways, it shouldn't really matter what time I take it. Not only that, but he even tells MOM about my bad sleeping habits. This REALLY bugs me, because I'm still dealing with everything--school, church, dance..--perfectly fine even with my lack of sleep, why get her involved in this? Because she's twisting everything she hears from my brother and puts it against me, and keeps giving me lectures. SERIOUSLY. My brother should know better than to say that kind of stuff to my mom, because it's only adding more stress to my day. I don't go to my mom telling her about how my brother has skipped class a couple times this school year or how he sleeps at 3am each night too.

Damnit, I don't know, he is just really aggravating me. Like just now, he suddenly pokes his head in my room cause the lights are on, and says, "You're STILL up?" I tell him, "No, I slept at midnight and just now I got up because I remembered I need to send myself something for school." Then he starts shaking his head, as if in disappointment. I'm just like WTF you should be happy I slept at midnight, eff you. I didn't mean to wake up 2:30am, it just happened. Don't look like you're belittling me just because I need to sleep more at night. As a matter of fact, this past week I've BEEN sleeping earlier, but I don't think you or mom ever see that or acknowledge that because you guys always look at my room in the wrong time (like just now when you happen to look in my room the 10 minutes I'm awake from my sleep). UGH.

Late.

How come I can never seem to sleep early? It's weird because I WANT to sleep early. I know I have horrible sleeping habits and that I definitely need more sleep. And yet, I constantly find myself awake at 2, 3, 4am. It kills me during the day and at school I'm always incredibly exhausted, so why don't I just sleep more at home?! I hate this, I need to get my sleeping schedule back on track, well if that track ever existed in the first place.

My goal for this week: to sleep by 1pm each night. Thursday is exception because I always do AP Euro that night haha.

And OH I need to study for AP Euro to make up my test! I better do that soon or I'll just end up not re-taking it at all and regretting it later.

I have decided...

I'm going to put some of my LiveJournal posts in here whenever I write in my LiveJournal. Recently I put EVERYTHING in my LiveJournal as private because I feel like it's less disorganized and I don't have to worry about what privacy setting I put my posts as. And I kind of just like the fact that some of my thoughts can only be read by me. I'm a fairly open person and I tend to put everything on Tumblr, where everyone can see it. But there are just some things I'd rather keep to myself.

I figure I'll just put up any future posts made on my LiveJournal that I don't mind others reading on here instead. On Tumblr I say my viewpoint on matters or elaborate on topics; here I guess I'll just talk about more personal matters that I don't mind a few people viewing. That is all.

Goals & Wishlist for the School Year.

DAMN you Tumblr for always being down for maintenance!!

Goals:

• Stop procrastinating! I need to do homework/projects right away or something.
• Organize time. Plan ahead for the day (Ahh, school, dance, homework, DECA, church...)
• Keep my 4.0 GPA
• Don't turn on computer until I've finished majority of homework >:|
• KEEP going to the gym about every other day.
• Stop sleeping so effin' late.
• Have better self-discipline & self-control. If I have a lot of homework, don't give in to hanging out with friends!
• In November, attempt to get a job
• Learn to do the splits
• Work on freezes. Hah all I can do is a baby freeze. Lame.
• Buy Elvis a NG shirt
• Go BOWLING for the first time in my life
• Save up for orchestra field trip to Silverwood
• Sort-of a goal? To go shopping at Southcenter, HAHA
  

Wishlist:

• dye hair purplish or reddish brown
• Purple Jordan shorts
• Crest whitening strips!
• Stilettos
  
• short "elf" boots. grey preferably
• white flats
• Sephora or NARS blush (after acne goes bye-bye!)
• Appletini body spray from Victoria's Secret
• and yes, I want more clothes. -_-
• Acne and eczema begone!
• Plain white v-neck. Probably gonna get the guy's 4-pack of Hanes v-necks
• AJ Rafael shirt. whatever, I don't care if I am obsessed! he writes good songs
• capo for guitar
• new rosin for violin. Mine broke into a million pieces
• A GOOD digital camera. I can't decide if I should get a point & shoot or save up for an SLR & take photography classes

I hate how we imperfect humans have this tendency to always want more. For all the material stuff on my wishlist I think I can easily save up for once I get a job though (I mean like, the Jordan shorts are the most expensive thing on the list, and probably the boots, unless I get a good bargain). The camera thing, it's kind of like on an unofficial wishlist since I'm not even sure which kind I want yet, plus parents would probably pay for that since I'd share it with the fambam.

I still think I'm far from materialistic though--my goals are ahead of my wishes, my passions are worth more than money. I know what I want, so I won't buy a bunch of random crap that is of no use to me. My priorities are straight. Church, School, Royal Impact, friends, DECA, working out (hehe)--those are all in what I want to focus on most. Money, jobs, communication via technology--those are all secondary. I hate texting and calling anyways, only when I'm bored.

Rawr but I'm hating how I'm starting to care a tiny bit more about fashion, darn LookBook got be thinking outside the box as to how I'll wear my clothes. Each outfit I wear, I want it to be individualistic, especially since I see the world through eyes of creativity. The world is a blank canvas, and I want to leave my mark! But eh, I'm afraid my closet does not behold such wondrous articles of clothing, haha. Aka why I am in want of a job.

I am so still wearing sweats regularly to school, lmao.

Sew Cute Shop Amy Butler Birdie Sling GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Sew Cute Shop Amy Butler Birdie Sling GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Endless

What do you do when you feel like so many topics and opinions pop up in your head and you feel like you want to write about everything but then you just can't? Because it would take too long and you would end up posting 83824234 blogs. Aghhh!

I wish I could just get paid to write my opinion on random things. Just to blog or write all day. It puts my mind in a state of tranquility.

I use mostly my Tumblr now but sometimes I still just post here. Why? Because sometimes I feel like I'm writing some things that are too personal, even for my friends to see. Like, maybe 2 or 3 would be able to actually UNDERSTAND what the hell I'm feeling. My Tumblr URL is posted on my Facebook and it's impossible to comment there so I'm worried that it's not just my followers who read that stuff. Here, I don't care if strangers read my entries because.. I don't know, it's just that feeling, you know? And if Ann or Silla read this since I know they have blogspots too, I don't really care or mind, hahaha.

You know, sometimes I really enjoy just talking to Silla, or Dalica, or Herman, just because we can have "deeper" conversations. I hate small talk and I suck at it. I don't even bother trying that stuff when I'm with people because I don't enjoy it.

I REALLY want a hang out with Dalika, cause I could really use some mind-stimulation right now. And I like how both of us are kind of on that same "level", like how she doesn't want to feel tied down to a guy or anything. I mean, a lot of times I feel that want/need for having a significant other, to be able to go on dates or whatever, but when I REALLY think about it, I don't want to be so committed to someone. At least, not at this age.

Some people think I'm absolutely crazy when I say I want to save the real dating for like marriage. I can see why, it sounds real old-fashioned and it just sounds plain unrealistic. But me and my brother were talking about how if you date "casually" in high school, it can be kind of stupid because if you're not going to marry them, it means the relationship will HAVE to end eventually, and either one or both individuals in the relationship will end up heartbroken. But zero relationships = zero heartbreak. Yaknowhaddamean?

Haha if friends from school saw that, they'd think I'm insane. Whatever! Makes me different :)

Doesn't matter, I have high standards anyways.

Colorgenics

Name: Michelle Kuo
Date: 8/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 20617453

---

You are trying to establish yourself and make an impact despite the fact that everything around you seems to be against you - putting up barriers, but don't be unduly concerned: you have the right ideas and come what may, they will soon be manifested and appreciated.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

In spite of all the opposition, you are insisting that your goals are realistic but circumstances are forcing you to compromise. You are not very happy with this situation but there is little that you can do about it. You have very strict standards which you try to apply to everyone who enters your sphere of influence.

You are experiencing extreme frustration at this point of time, trying to achieve security and peace of mind, but whatever you seem to do doesn't effect the situation. You are worn out and your energy is being seriously depleted. You may be experiencing what is known as 'heartache' - both mentally and physically. You are a listener and you listen and respond to everything that is going on around you. You feel that all that life has to offer should be within your grasp and you would like to participate in every part of it but the situation is such that every door seems to be closed to you. You just can't understand why that is. But it is - and what's more you feel powerless to change it.

Overwork - be it mental stress or physical strain, you are completely worn out and this depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel disappointed with your obvious lack of energy and powerless to do anything about it. You are angry with yourself and this frustration shows. You are contradictory and argumentative and feel helpless to change the situation at this time. Take a break - even if it is only for a few days - allow yourself to breath, to unwind - you'll feel much better for it. Then trust and let go.

------------------------------

The fact that this is so accurate scares me.

1. I DO feel like everyone/everything is against me. Well, maybe not EVERYONE but like for dance, I know my parents are against it. And sometimes, just through the fact that I'm an introvert, I can see that it can be hard to get along with me and thus for people to support me.

2. I really am trying to "establish" myself. This summer I realized a lot of things about myself that surprised me. And b/c of the fact that I haven't seen a lot of my friends from school this summer, I feel like they won't understand me as well either.

3. Things are getting "on top" of me, I can feel the stress just piling up, waiting. There's that book review I need to get to, and all the summer homework.. Agh, I don't know if I can take it. Luckily I get my few-day-break when I go to Lake Chelan, but that's only if mom doesn't stress me out! I just want three, THREE, freakin' days where she does not piss me off and she doesn't get pissed at me.

4. Haha oh boy, strict standards for everyone who enters my life and may have an influence me. RIGHT ON. Also known as, why I never like a guy enough to want to go out with anyone. I have strict, high standards for everyone that I become SUPER CLOSE friends with. And in my mind I have some people that I want to have some mind-stimulating conversation with.

5. My energy is gone. I don't know if that's because it's 5am and I'm tired, or if just flat-out physically/mentally exhausted. It's like so much thinking goes on in my head that my brain WANTS to stop functioning, it wants to stop overanalyzing everything and just take a break to relax. But I can't help it, I think a lot, then I Tumblr it and clear my head with my outspoken ideas.

6. I'm experiencing extreme frustration.. BECAUSE OF MY MOM. Every single freakin' day I get stressed because of her. And I really can't help it, because it is HER attitude and HER crazy anger problems.

7. "You are contradictory and argumentative and feel helpless to change the situation at this time." NUFF SAID.

yay!

07/17/09

I had the funnest time at the beach today, with Silla, Lynn, Andy, and Jordan :)

Haha we ended up playing Cranium at the grass area right next to the sand. IT WAS SO FUN! Plus it was the perfect weather for doing it. Aghhh Andy and Silla beat us by like one turn! Haha anyways, it was funny when we’d do Cameo or the Puppet thingy because everyone around us would look at us funny xD And Jordan, when he knew the answer to one of the red cards, he was like “Thank goodness I watch the Travel Channel!” and right in the middle of “Travel” and “Channel” this huge piece of saliva drops out of his mouth! HAHAHAHA EWWW. It was hilarious! And there was a part where Silla was doing a Humdinger for the song “ABC” by the Jackson 5. Obvious, right? Hahaha well she was humming it and ANDY COULDN’T GUESS IT! He even said out loud, “1 2 3!” and he still couldn’t figure out what song it was xD My goodness, what kind of Jackson fan is he!

And after the beach, we met up at Little Caesar’s, bought 2 pizzas, crazy bread, and a 2-liter soda and went to Silla’s house to eat. She’s so lucky, both her parents’ work schedules are like 2pm-11pm! Pretty much the whole day for her to do whatever she wants! Well, we all went there and Kevin, his girlfriend, Charlene, and Jessica were there too. We all ended up sitting down to watch Wizards on Deck with Hannah Montana xDD

Bwahaha nonetheless, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to have so much fun! It really was one of the most relaxing-yet-funnest days of the year.

I really need to..

stop finding people who are utter nuisances come into my life.
And sleep over.

It does not serve my body and mind well.

Numero Uno

(reposted from my Tumblr)

Fellow introvert named Sarah :)

We were on the phone, talking about RI. We want to actually win this school year. Go to State. Go to Nationals. Make it to the top.

I know I’m not experienced in dance, that’s probably an understatement. But I’m willing to give it my all, because this is one of the few times in my life where my goal is clearly in place. I want to win, and I’ll do anything to do it. We will beat Shorecrest.

Sarah and I were saying how this coming school year, this new building for school, we want it to mark the fresh start of everything. The cheerleaders, the dance team, all our sports’ teams. I want this to be the year we actually make it somewhere. Not just almost make it to State. Not just almost get 1st place. No excuses, the top spot has to be reserved for us.

She told me that last year, Shorecrest actually told the team that we “need to work together more.” Can you believe that? Shorecrest knew the team better than our team knew themselves. How can you work as a team when opposition arises within it? It doesn’t work that way, and never will. Would your body function if your heart was “mad” at your lung, so both don’t bother to give it their all? No.

14 people on the team. Glass half full: Less people means we can concentrate more on our imperfections. It’ll be easier to work on formations. Glass half empty: Even with a mere 14 people on the team, we still can’t all get along. I’m open-minded, I never hate people. Why can’t everyone else see it the same way? Shorecrest constantly has bonding events, from what I’ve heard. Our team, on the other hand, just can’t seem to diminish the lines between adversary and fellow dance team member.

Bold Move.

Reblog and bold those you agree with,

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I’m TOTALLY smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I LOVE sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID.
I like the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don’t hate anyone.
I’m a pretty good dancer. (haha in the process)
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment.
I’m obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I want to go to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions. (for me, a church thing)
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy
I am an adrenaline junkie

I'll Be There

is a really good song. But he's not there anymore.

Okay, so I guess it's about time I decided to actually sit down and blog about Michael Jackson. I admit, upon first hearing about his death, I didn't really react strongly about it or anything, it was kind of just like, "Oh, well that's sad." *moves on*

But then later on, as I began to hear his music being played in cafes, radio stations, etc., it kind of hit me. Michael Jackson is gone. He's dead.
I have to say that I am extremely sad for his loss. I didn't realize how much I love his music and dancing until so many songs by him were being played on TV, and I actually knew all of them. Plus, I'm getting more into hip hop dancing and I noticed how much of an idol he is in the world of dance.

His legacy is well-known.. He broke racial barriers in the music industry. Racial barriers in the world in general. He had killer dance moves. He invented the moon walk. He used up all of his money to help children. He wanted the world to be united in peace. His singing voice was amazing. If it wasn't for his existence, I am POSITIVE the world would not operate in the way it does today. Would we have the same type of dance moves? Would every music artist in America be white?

As I was watching some MJ music videos today on youtube, it made me angry to see those hateful comments. People saying he molested children. People saying he's a retard for bleaching his skin. People saying "did you notice that in that video he was surrounded by little boys!" Such ignorant people! I feel sorry for Michael, the media tried creating scandal after scandal out of his everyday life. They twisted all of his actions to sound like those of a criminal. They were so judgemental that it disgusts me. And because of all of this, Michael never got to experience a "normal" life. He didn't have a childhood because his father would abuse him, and force him to record songs in a studio although all he wanted to do was play at the park across the street (I watched 20/20!). It's no wonder he wanted to help so much children when he was older, because he was still a child at heart and wanted to make sure that no one else would lose their childhood. But of course, the media made this instead look like creepiness, as if he were a pedophile. Then there were those accusations that he inappropriately touched children, but there was no proof! Have you ever thought that the parents who accused him of this, if they lost the case they wouldn't lose any money, but if they won the case they would get $20 million?! They were just sick, money-hungry individuals that had no consideration for MJ's reputation. It sickens me. And the whole "creepy bleached skin" thing, he had no control over it! He had a freakin' skin disorder that would leave his skin incredibly patchy--some would be dark, some light. So he took medications that would even out his skintone, and one of the ingredients causes bleaching of the skin. Geez, ignorant people thinking he was just a creepy person who was insane.

Sigh, I know millions of people are incredibly distressed over Michael Jackson's death, just like me. I just despise the inconsiderate people who don't look past his outward appearance of white skin and plastic surgery and notice the amazing things he had accomplished in his lifetime. As if they have the right to insult him like they knew him personally as a creepy criminal.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen...

WAS SO AWESOME!

I had been excited and anticipated this movie for THE longest time! And oh boy, the movie did not disappoint. I was totally captivated in the movie the whole 2 and a half hours. In fact, I'm gonna watch it again this Sunday with some friends in IMAX instead.

Unlike other action/adventure movies, this one wasn't very predictable, which made me very happy haha. Actually, there were a couple of parts where I was just like, "AHHHH NO!" or "O____O" or "T_____T" or "GASP" inside my head because I didn't expect it to happen. Woot woooooo!

Okay, I don't have much to say just because I'm still in fan-obsession mode. Which means I'll just say nonsense that shows how much I love the movie but not any reasons for my love of it.

Oh, and before I didn't care for Shia Labeouf very much but now I find him attractive/hawt haha. Remember, I'm in fan-obsession mode so forget all my non-intellectual/weird statements.






Is it just me or does he still sometimes remind of you of way back when he was a litto kiddo on Even Stevens?

Rambling instantaneously.

I hate how when I blog, I have this uncontrollable tendency to ramble on and on. Yeah, blogs help me think and vent or whatever, but I always end up making the posts so unnecessarily long :(

Extroverts rule the world.

I just read the article here that I saw posted up on Elizabeth's Monotonous Spontaneity blog (yes, I am one of those random readers that like to drop by and read about other people's life and epiphanies. It's entertaining.) Anyways, the article is about Introverts, and how their minds work. After reading about it, I'm utterly confused. I feel like I would categorize myself as an introvert but at the same time I notice I somewhat relate to an extrovert as well. So I guess right now I have what you'd call, an identity crisis. Am I an introvert or an extrovert?

So, introverts have a majority of characteristics that relate to me. I like a lot of "me" time. Also what my friends would know as: I never pick up my phone. I tend to not reply to text messages. I never sign on AIM or MSN unless I really feel like talking to someone. And at times I find myself completely daydreaming when my friends talk to me because, well, I find the top boring or I see no direction in the conversation (any friends who read this, please don't kill me, that's just how my mind works apparently). I also sometimes make excuses for not being able to webcam/Skype simply because I do not want to interact with another person at the moment (again, please don't kill me, especially Carmen). I love my alone time. Whenever I have spring break or winter break, I find myself spending the majority of the time in my room, reading, blogging, check my facebook a few times, eating, whatever. But in the week of break I completely break off contact with my friends usually. Summer break is a little different because I can't go 3 whole months without interaction with friends. That's just being antisocial then.

The part where I get into being an extrovert is that I really can't live without being with other people. I thrive on hangouts and being with my friends, but then again I don't want to spend too much time with them. It's weird. I remember like this whole month where I didn't talk to my best friend on the phone for like at least 3 weeks or more and I felt incredibly lonely, because I felt like we didn't talk that much. Plus, there are times when I just HAVE to go hang out with people, even if we're doing the most boring, most stupid thing in the world. Like right now, I REALLY want to go hang out with some friends. I don't know if it's because I actually want their company or if I just want to escape this house so that I can get away from my mom, but yeah, I really want NEED to hang out.

But then do my little "extrovert" traits still go into the introvert category? Because it's not like introverts completely hate being with other people or anything. In fact, the article mentioned that we are not shy and definitely not misanthropic. Introverts just find other people tiring.

Haha okay, I just sorted out everything in my head. I'm definitely an introvert. Actually, now that I re-read that article, I feel like it's describing me exactly. This totally explains why after I hang out with my friends for a day, the second I get home I completely wipe out and feel dead. Even if we weren't doing anything that was energy-consuming. And this explains why I love love love going to the gym at night, when there's barely anyone left.

I must say that I appreciate this writer for saying such a true fact:
"The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves."

Yup, I hate pointless talking that leads to nowhere. And I suck at small talk, it gets really awkward. I either can be very easy to talk to if you like to get into deep discussions or be the most awkward person ever if you talk about things I have no interest in whatsoever.

Hooray for epiphanies. Darn extroverts ruining my days.

Mother Beeper.

Wow, I've neglected this blog for a long time. School really kills you in the last month with finals and everything. Anyways, now that school is out, I've been extremely excited for some summer happiness. Time to relax and sleep, right? WRONG. Not with my darn mom nagging and nagging me.

Yes, I understand my room is incredibly messy.

Yes, I know that there are a lot of weeds in our yard. Yes, I know clothes are all over my room. But REALLY, can I please just freakin' relax and take a break on the FIRST WEEK OF SUMMER BREAK? I have like 2 and a half months to do all that other crap, just let me sleep now.

Agh she says that if I don't clean up all of my room and closet by this week she won't let me to to my dance team meeting on Friday. I think that is freakin' retarded, because it's not even a hangout sort of thing, it's a MEETING. for dance. I really don't get why I have to finish cleaning my room in just the first few days of summer, because then that means I have less things to do throughout my summer. Ahhhhhhh mom has been frustrating me so much, it's just ridiculous.

I really want to get OUT OF THIS HOUSE. Get a job or something. Why do I have to be so young! I'm so happy I'm out of school, yet at the same time, I feel like I'm getting more stress than I ever did while in school just because of the fact that I'm stuck at home with MOM ALL DAY. I want Hip Hop Club to start at the college already, so that way I can escape the home for a few hours a few days a week. And hopefully hang out with Jordan, Andy, Raissa, Jessica, Dalika, Albee, and all those other people. -__-"

My house is my prison. Except it's like the "guard" keeps telling me to clean up my cell. And that I can't get any visits or phone calls until my cell is all neat and tidy.

Drugs.

WOW this blog entry is uber long.

Rawr. I'm so frustrated at people who do drugs. I think everyone who knows me well already knows that I have a ZERO tolerance for people who do drugs. Or sells them.

I mean, I can see that some people have that whole excuse that they're in depression, or some really bad things have happened to them so that's why they started smoking weed or whatever. And who knows, plenty of them are probably nice people at heart, I mean they have feelings and everything still. Whatever. I seriously just can't stand it when people stick to their beloved crack, ecstasy, blah. They're all bad for you!

It's probably just because of the fact that I'm a religious person.. Of course it's not like the Bible specifically states "DON'T SMOKE MARIJUANA" or anything, but in the Bible life is considered a really precious thing. And smoking ruins it all. You die earlier. The shorter life you do live is full of yucky symptoms. Cancer. Schizophrenia. Hallucinations. Injections can lead to STDs. Yeah yeah I sound like a health teacher right now, but it's all true! I find guys who stick to these drugs utterly repulsive.

Anyways, what started my little ramble of how much I hate drugs is that today at lunch at school I was talking to a friend. And I forget how, but somehow the conversation led to me saying, "Ugh, doesn't __:)__'s boyfriend deal weed or whatever. He's a bad influence on her." Okay, so personally I know that __:)__ is a great, fun person since I'm friends with her. But yeah, I said that above statement to her brother, who is also my good friend. Right when I say that, he says, "You've been brainwashed by your brother.." Fact: my brother hates __:)__'s boyfriend, and my brother is __:)__'s best friend. Now, when __:)__'s brother tells me that I've been "brainwashed by my brother", I am really angry. I tell him whatever, sure. But really, I'VE been brainwashed? Anyone who knows me well knows that I DESPISE drugees, they're killing their life and are going to become delusional freaks if they continue for the rest of their life. But yeah, it's not like I'm the only one who thinks that boyfriend is wrong for __:)__. That boy does drugs, deals weed, and has a drinking problem. At the age of 16 (or he might be 15.. can't remember). He has horrible grades and parties all night. I really think he'll become a hobo when he's older. __:)__ on the other hand, is an innocent girl who has straight A's and a child-like personality. Uh, yeah. I know I've read tons of novels where the bad boy type of guy and the goody goody girl fall in love and live happily ever after, but in real life, I feel like this is just the wrong match. Not because me simply judging him, it's because I truly care for __:)__. And I KNOW for a fact that her boyfriend will do nothing with his life. Maybe if he got straight A's and was striving to get into college. Maybe if he would go to rehab and STAY there and get rid of that horrible drinking problem. Maybe if he stopped partying so much. Maybe if he was actually smart enough to get in our normal public high school instead of going to the school for all the dumb kids. Maybe if he stopped dealing drugs (because really, now you're just making money to kill the insides of other kiddos). Maybe if he solely did drugs ONLY, I might just TOLERATE him. I won't like him still. Because he needs to quit. Yeah, I know that there are addictives in there, but his retarded decision to start it in the first place. Now he's just killing brain cells. Yeah, anyways if that happened, I would just barely tolerate him for __:)__'s sake. That's it. And only barely. I'm still disgusted.

I really don't see why so many adolescents do drugs. Even though I'm personally a teenager, I really just can't see it from their perspective. Because it's stupid.

Gonna Make It Mine.

Welcome to my new "personal" blog, because I don't know, I have a LiveJournal, but I get tired of things easily. I'll still post there whenever I feel like it.

Wow, I think I spent an hour trying to think of a URL name for this blog, crazy huh! One thing about me is that I obsess over titles of my work--whether it be blogs or essays, et cetera. And I usually get my titles from song titles, song lyrics, or just inspired by song lyrics. My actual BLOG name is currently from the song Colors of the Heart by UVERworld but that's subject to change frequently. But URLs, oh goodness, I take forever with those since those things are PERMANENT! I was literally going through my iTunes looking at my song titles. I'm guessing other people do this too, because I tried at least 20 different things for the URL and they were all not available! Unbelievable. Even TheSaltwaterRoom (by Owl City) didn't work. MidnightHighway (by Daphne Loves Derby) didn't work. DynamoOfVolition (by Jason Mraz) didn't work! It was so frustrating. Oh well, the point is, I finally found one that has not been used yet. "Reveling in energy" is a line from the song "Make It Mine" by Jason Mraz--love that guy!

Anywho, I made this blog because sometimes I feel like I want to vent or just want to sort things out in my head, and my other blogspot is mostly for book reviews/giveaways and my LiveJournal is just so incredibly private that I feel like I barely let anything out at all.

I feel better with strangers reading my thoughts, how odd. Well, not like I care if friends read, but with my posts being public I feel like I'm actually saying something to the world, even though no one will probably even read this darn thing.

Haha I'm an odd child.